Sincerity vs Disappointed

Current mood:
awake
Category:
Life



Every man that I have ever encountered in my life (outside of my family) has diappointed me in some shape form or fashion. If you are a man and our paths have crossed, then yes, I'm talking about you. I completley understand that my standard operating proceedure is above and beyond mosts comprehension, to comprehend my idealism is a pre-requiset, but once you get past that, comprehending my eternity, is an absolute must.
I have come to believe in my 25 yrs that most people you encounter are insincere and to believe that they are isn't from a word and it isn't a feeling. It is in action and in doing. And when I play back the actions and the motivations for those actions or lack there of, I can only conclude that your words are insincere and your actions are what you want to manifest.
The creator rests in every word and every action. I aim to be sincere in my interactions, which really dosen't work when you are intereacting with insincerity. I don't want to have to be scared to relate to people, but I also cannot be wasting time in interactions that are dictated by someone else's purpose for my time and my life. My brother was telling me that there are a million people out there that want to give you a purpose if you don't define what it is for yourself.
Well to those who have told me love instead of showing me love, I can finally give thanks, I have been beaten into submission. My purpose is not to be friends with any men or dare to call one my own. I can only claim things that are true and divine and the movement that is made in the most positive direction possible. NONE OF THE MEN THAT I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS IN MY WHOLE LIFE OTHER THAN MY FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE BEEN IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION.
the right direction isn't money either. I think it's influence. I can be influential while being impartial to anything, but my purpose. I am influential. And I am a positive forcefull influence with my being and my decisions and my imprint and attention. I was thinking about imprints the other day, cause I'm the kind a girl who touches things, all the boxes of cerial in the grocery store or tracing the lines of shelves or touching the wall or rubbing clothes as I pass by in the store, just to see how it feels, just cause I can, but I never thought about the fact that I'm leaving some kind of imprint, however so slightly, on everything I touch. So I'm gonna treat you people like the clothes or the fountains or the grass.....if I am allowed to touch, in an appropriate most positive way, then I will and keep it moving on the purpose, but should I encounter something sticky or messy or dirty I'll have to wash my hands and keep it trucking.
But I wanted to point it out, cause my girlfriends know that yall are such a disappointment, but such an eye opening inspiration to move in a completley different direction. I guess that's why I don't have kids, cause it would have been with one of the men I had encountered and we already know Every man that I have ever encountered in my life (outside of my family) has diappointed me in some shape form or fashion.
And I would think it was me....if my actions weren't always so sincere and if my family and girlfriends disowned me, but they not only own me, but pride themselves on my development based off of their encouragment and sincere deveotion to the cause that is me. I hate to think I'm a celibate lesbian...as I suspect of Oprah. I definitly get my physical chemistry with men , but every other part of my development is nurtured by the women in my life. The people who care whether I live or die. The ones who don't have to say they love me, but they do anyway, but their actions are what makes me see eternity with them by my side.......our interactions are sincere which is more than I can say for every man that I have ever come across ( outside of my family)
And I wish someone would fed me some bull justification. If I know you and your a man, trust, I was disappointed.